The Little Liar

Bakersfield was small picturesque town situated along the banks of the Rubicon river. The lands around the town were fertile and every variety of crop was grown there. So, naturally most of the residents of Bakersfield were farmers or belonged to it's' related fields.
The farmers lived simple but prosperous lives as their produce was of a high quality and fetched good prices in the big cities.

The community of Bakersfield was one big happy family and the town Sheriff  Mr Darcey constantly complained of his job being too boring. There were hardly any crimes and the crimes which did happen were of a harmless nature which got resolved easily.

This one time fat Andrew, son of the local butcher stole some chickens from Mrs Jody's the librarian's home and hid them in the wheat field nearby just to annoy her. She loved those chickens so she cried havoc everywhere and called the Sheriff. He therefore had to investigate this "crime" and resolve this issue. These were the typical crimes of Bakerfield.

Then there were the Lamberts. Mr Jhon Lambert was the High School principle who lived in a small beautiful house by the river with his wife Nancy and their 12 year old daughter Lillybeth.
The Lamberts were a typical small town family who knew everyone by name and had friendships with everyone. Though not poor by any means, they were not exactly rich. A high school principle's salary was nothing to write home about.

Lillybeth the daughter had always been a little weird and socially awkward. She did not have many friends in school and she mostly liked to spend her time reading books. She was not your typical girly girl who played with dolls and liked pretty pink dresses.
Though lovely and innocent mostly, sometimes she could be incredibly mean and spew a lot of harsh venom out of her big mouth. It was because of this that she didn't have many friends. Even her parents had disciplined her a few times.

Lillybeth did however have two of her most loyal and incredibly sweet friends who were really close to her. They were Yolanda and her nerdy cousin Sabrina. Both these girls hailed from the Mckaenzi clan.
The McKaenzis were one of the founding families of Bakersfield. They were also the largest land holders and naturally were the biggest farmers and most successful.

As time went on the bond between the girls grew stronger and stronger. The girls played, studied and created all kinds of mischief together. They were inseparable and therefore did not hide anything from each other.
Lillybeth had never been fond of pretty or expensive things. Plus the fact that her family weren't exactly swimming in cash meant that this frugal nature of her was super helpful for her parents.
While every other parent was busy trying to fulfill every ridiculous demand of their children, Lillybeth was content with her books and her simple dressing habits.

Overtime however, this frugality of Lillybeth had intensified and she had started to save her monthly allowance. Since her friends Yolanda & Sabrina's families were well off, Lillybeth had started to rely on them to pay off her share of all the expenses the girls did while on their frequent nights out.

Lillybeth frequently lied about not having the money and tried excusing herself from their activities, at which her friends always came through and paid for her share.
This behavior became a habit and eventually she stopped carrying any money with her whenever the girls went to do any kind of activity around the town.

One random weekend, the trio went to have a nice fancy dinner. Lillybeth as usual tagged along with her best friends empty handed. The restaurant had opened a month ago and it was a high class establishment. Their standard was top class and consequently the rates they were charging were higher than usual as well.
The girls ordered a big meal consisting of two courses along with desserts. It was a wonderful feast and Lillybeth felt so blissful as if she were having a dream. That dream however was short lived as Sabrina suddenly realized that she had forgotten her purse at home. She asked Yolanda if she had any money but she didn't like to carry a purse therefore all her money was in Sabrina's bag as well.

Lillybeth's heart was starting to drown as they had no money to pay the bill. She was starting to curse the day she decided to lie to her friends about her scarcity of funds. She was regretting it immensely but all her regret was of no use to them now.

The girls were halfway through the dessert and worried sick about how to pay.
In actuality it wasn't such a big deal as everyone knew who their parents were and the matter could be resolved easily but children are children and they get worried.

Lillybeth's head started to spin and she felt it becoming heavier and heavier. She could not take the pressure anymore. Eventually her guilt ridden tears overflowed from her big blue eyes. She confessed to being a big fat liar to her shocked friends and told them all about her made up stories about having no money.
Her friends were angry at a first and they scolded her for this cheap behavior. Eventually, they forgave her and decided to focus on how to get out of this predicament they were in at the moment.
Finally Lillybeth said 'I'll go talk to the manager and explain our situation'.

She went towards the reception with trembling legs where the manager was standing. She was about to address him when she heard a familiar voice from the side... 'Cheeky Lilly, what a pleasant surprise to see you here'. It was the voice of Mr Darcey, the town Sheriff who also happened to be a really close friend of Mr Lambert.

Upon seeing him it was as if life returned in Lilly's legs and she ran towards him. With teary eyes she explained her situation to Mr Darcey and he told her not to worry about a thing and go back to her friends.

With all their worries gone the girls returned home safely. All the weight of Lilly's lies were off her shoulders and she promised never to lie again.


Moral: Honesty is the best policy.

A Dog's Tale

Once upon a time there lived a dog under a tree.

He lead an extremely simple life as the food was aplenty nearby. 

He ate, played in the mud, ran like a stead and let the air sink into his fluffy hair. There wasn't a care in his life. 

Everyday felt heavenly. 

Then, one day on his usual wandering about into the woods, he came across a squirrel.

He had never seen a squirrel before. It was fury, tiny and ran around hither thither with lightening speed. 

He was mesmerized by this strange creature and lost track of time staring at her. 

Then, someone poked his bum with a stick which brought him out of his trance. 

It was that very squirrel. 

With her bright eyes and aggressive manner she asked him what he was doing near her home. The dog was dumbfounded as there was nothing which resembled a dwelling of any kind. 

Upon seeing the confused look on his face she said 'not down here, you dummy'. 

Then, the dog just heard the words 'beep beep' and found the squirrel running upwards onto the tree. At this sight the following words came out of his mouth uncontrollably 'fucking cunt'.

The dog envied her as she could climb up the tree as naturally as breathing. 

She called to him 'come up here, fool. You can do it'

Suddenly there arose an urge in him to get up there onto the tree. He gathered all the strength he could and ran towards the tree.
His pace was so ferocious that he reached at the top in a short while and found out that his stopping prowess wasn't sufficient at all. 

While he was plummeting towards the ground he thought 'Oh Fuck'.

Fully expecting to die upon hitting the ground, he was flabbergasted to find out that he was not only alive but was actually energized beyond belief. 

Upon seeing the squirrel he boomed: I'm alive, I'm alive!

He was expecting some sort of sympathy or happiness or perhaps some surprise maybe....

What he got was 'Of-course you are. As you are a cute little squirrel, just like me, we squirrels can withstand falls from much greater heights'.

It took a moment to sink in but the dog eventually realized that this little being was onto something. Her fur did look similiar. Then there was the fact that he was still alive. Other dots started to get connected as well.
 

This startling revelation was too much for him.
He passed out.
When he gained consciousness he realized he was inside the squirrel's dwelling, resting upon a tiny straw bed. 

Then the squirrel came into view and started talking about how happy she was that he was alive and now that he was there they were going to have a wonderful time.

Everything they'll ever need was available in abundance and...

The sound of her words got muffled as his head started spinning again. All he could get out of his mouth was 'but I thought I was a dog' .

'That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. 

You are a gentle, sweet and kind squirrel with cute cheeks. Don't ever forget that'  said the squirrel.

Moral: Sometimes it takes someone else to make one realize who he/she really is. 

                                         The End

MUSINGS OF A PUSSY-LIP-KISSER

The heat wave which had been continuing on was very troublesome. The effects of heat were amplified by the fact that no-one was able to do anything to remedy the situation. The electricity shortage, water shortage, and general disorder that these two problems caused were just wreaking havoc everywhere.

In the midst of all this chaos and mayhem, a person was trying to resolve the deep conflict which was going on inside him. This person, who went by the name 'Pussy-Lip-Kisser', was trying to comprehend what he had turned into. His life which was simple, peaceful and tranquil once was now filled with relentless and ugly noises . These most horrid noises which emanated from the mouths of women and children were eating his soul up, one bit at a time. He, Pussy-Lip-Kisser had reached a point where he could no longer withstand this upheaval.

The upheaval both inside and outside of him had to be put to rest. This place which he loved so deeply, where he had lived all his life, where all of his hopes, dreams and wishes had been formed was about to engulf into flames. Even if the physical tangible flames did not burn him, the dark fires raging inside of him would surely melt his soul. To resolve this unstable situation, he decided to ask himself this basic question.

 What Went Wrong?

He started at the very beginning. He went back to the time when he had first moved to this place. This place which would come to be known in the later years as 'Pussy Land'. This place which he would come to love and relish. This place which was to become the solid foundation upon which he would build up his own personality, his life. Where he would figure out what he wanted to become.

He remembered the first time when he went out for a stroll in the nearby park. It was a beautiful spring evening. The sun was almost set, a gentle breeze was blowing from the east and making the atmosphere very pleasant and harmonious. Kids of all ages were running around happily without even the slightest idea about any worries.

                                                                 But then,

in the corner of the park, Pussy saw which looked far from pleasing. In fact, it looked downright disturbing. He saw three very pretty girls dressed in bright colourful clothes teasing and taunting a sweet little boy half their age. Although those girls were very pretty, they looked monstrous to Pussy as that little boy was sitting on the ground crying his eyes out. This was all because those stupid girls were mercilessly tormenting that poor soul.

Pussy-Lip-Kisser, a small boy himself decided to intervene and save that little boy. He ran towards those bitches, infuriated by their merciless laughter. When he was within earshot of those whores, he boomed: LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU STUPID CUNTS!! PUSSY -LIP-KISSER IS GONNA FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!! RUN OFF TO YOUR FATHER'S ASSES WHENCE YOU CAME OUT; FEET FIRST!!!!

 Upon hearing these slurs, those sluts were shocked. Those bitches were amazed at the nerve of this little boy who was running towards them at lightening speed, full of anger and hate. This mind-numbing audacity was too much to handle for those filthy little Cum Guzzlers!

They faltered and ran with imaginary dicks between their asses and Pussy-Lip-Kisser never had the misfortune to lay his eyes upon them ever again.

He then turned his attention towards that tormented little boy. He patted his back and very lovingly and extremely gently told him to: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GROW SOME DAMN BALLS!! The boy was taken aback by this unexpected and intimidating statement. Every inch of his body wanted to cry even harder but the eminent danger of ruthless Bitch-Slapping kept him from doing so. He controlled himself quickly and this was the start of a lifelong friendship.

That little boy was SIR KAKA BABU!

This incident was the turning point of both their lives. More-so for Sir Kaka Babu because if it weren't for this particular incident, he would have remained a weakling, shy and a pathetic little sissy. This incident was the beginning of him becomes strong, fearless, ruthless and a cold-hearted tyrant that he is today.

As for Pussy's life, it was a joy for many years to come. Now that he had a companion, they were fearless. They were partners in crime! They spent long hours hating every other kid and girl that they saw. They did everything in their power to make life miserable for the opposite sex. Their loathing for girls/women/children was legendary. They became angry at them for no particular reason. Any girl or women no matter how pretty, kind, gentle or cute would make them furious just by being in their vicinity.

People thought they were mad and unstable. Many unsuccessful attempts were made to change their thinking. Their parents, teachers and anyone who ever knew them tried everything in their power to bring some stability to the boys. They all failed one by one as they were bound to from the get go. You see, in the eyes of this Un-Holly alliance of  Babu and Pussy, it was the outsiders who were regarded as abnormal. It was the outsiders who needed to change, not the other way around. In the duo's eyes, the society had become very soft, frivolous and as they liked to call it; Plastic.

They saw all the softness, mushiness and dishonourable ways originating from the women kind. Since women took to kids and they were their centre of attention, the kids became the recipients of the duo's wrath as well. As the boys became older, the intensity of their beliefs and magnitude of their actions became larger as well. Countless kids, all kinds of them: innocent kids, cute kids, ugly kids, and those scholarly kids which are wise beyond their years received the "Bitch and Facial Slap" therapy of Sir Kaka Babu and Lord Pussy-Lip-Kisser.

Similarly, many unsuspecting women were subjected to the special and revolutionary technique of  "Horse Whipping". This public service was performed free of charge and the "treated" women were returned safely to their homes without violation.

After many years of this individual initiative, the boys started planning of ways to spread their righteous cause. This most righteous cause of putting the fear of God into the hearts of the creature who is behind every human failing, every act of treachery, unfaithfulness and every other possible sin that can be imagined. This creature of outward beauty who uses its physical allure to infect, pollute and manipulate anyone who comes into contact with them for their own shallow, petty and selfish interests. This creature who pretends to be a part of Mankind!!

This creature who is commonly known as WOMAN!!!

After burning tremendous amount of midnight oil and much brainstorming, the Grand Counsel of Sir Kaka Babu and Lord Pussy-Lip-Kisser decided that it was time to part ways. It was decided that the partners would split up the world regions and tame them according to the dictates of their beliefs. Nobody, even in the farthest corners of the globe would remain untouched by the cleansing sword of Babu & Pussy.

The sword which was about to befall upon them with righteous might!!

So in accordance with this decision, Sir Kaka Babu moved abroad, armed with nothing but his iron will and sheer determination. With each passing day, he grew stronger and stronger. Territory after territory fell under the boots of his dark armies which grew larger and larger with frightening speed. He became a legend in a short period of time and women all over the globe trembled just by the slightest mention of his name.

Meanwhile on the other side of the globe, things were far from fantastic. In fact, Lord Pussy-Lip-Kisser was struggling badly. The split from his partner had been really hard on him. He had lost his tyrannical vigour which was the driving force behind him. The population of his home region was becoming restless by each passing day. It was also beginning to lift its head which had long been buried. The tentacles of Octo-Pussy (women) were starting to reach all nooks and crannies. The extreme moral cleanliness which had once prevailed there had lost its grip and was on the brink of extinction.

Moreover, the person who was the guardian of that piety, that righteousness, had himself fallen prey to the ruse, to the poisonous corruption of women kind. All hell had broken loose and a once-sprawling area of order, discipline, and honourable conduct was turned into a cesspool of vice. Every disgusting form of filthy vice was widespread.

The resulting mixture of vice, disorder, breakdown of governance and shortage of basic everyday needs together with the mind-bogglingly hot weather was a volatile cocktail, a volcano about to erupt, a catastrophe waiting to happen.

A good thing did come out of this mayhem. Pussy-Lip-Kisser who really and literally had become a PUSSY LIP KISSER, whose favourite beverage had become the "Hot Pussy Cum", came out of this trans of his. He realized what a stupid scum he had been. He came to realize the error of his pathetic and filthy ways. In order for Pussy to make changes and revert to righteousness, he had to do a lot of things. Things were so far gone out of control that Pussy, even totally reformed lacked the capacity of doing anything.

He decided to turn to the only man he knew could save the day. So he wrote a letter which was full of remorse and apologies to Sir Kaka Babu. Sir Kaka Babu had long ago severed all ties with him and deemed him dead. Due to Pussy's infinitely shameful and utterly disgraceful actions, he had become the recipient of the full force of Babu's wrath. However, Babu also had decided against launching a punitive expedition to Pussy Land. Pussy was condemned to Babu's utter damnation but was allowed to live.

In the end, after reading Pussy's utterly grovel-y and sorrow filled letter and remembering the friendship and fond memories, Sir Kaka Babu decided to act out of character and show mercy. He decided that the prevailing situation in the Pussy Land could not be allowed to continue. In view of the heavy thorough cleaning and absolute slaughter that needed to happen, Babu made his plans. He decided from the get go that this expedition of his would not be considered a helping gesture to an allied faction. This would be an invasion force marching into enemy territory designed to subdue and destroy all opposition to it.

Pussy-Lip-Kisser would not go unpunished after all and would be reduced to the rank of a governor. Pussy upon hearing this was shocked but recovered quickly when he remembered what he himself had done and had allowed happening on his watch.

What happened next to the people of Pussy Land was just beyond description. Every living thing that moved including humans, animals, plants and insects were brutally and comprehensively exterminated.

The rule of three all's was applied: Three all's being:-

KILL ALL, BURN ALL, DESTROY ALL!!!!!

After absolute and complete ruin of Pussy Land, the process of cleaning up began. The long arduous process of re-inhabiting and rebuilding began. A fresh start was made on the solid and righteous foundation.

Pussy Land had been made an example out of and it was such a clear and strong warning to the transgressors that all evil activities, even in the territories which were not yet part of Babu's Evil Empire halted immediately. As for our dear old Lord Pussy-Lip-Kisser; well, he was never the same man again. He changed his ways and tried to fully adhere to the code of genuineness but the events of the Pussy Land Massacre as it would be known shook him to the core. He was put in charge of a far off town called "Clukidy Fuck" where he stayed for the rest of his days.

Lesson: NEVER PUT THE PUSSY ON THE PEDESTAL.

BABU AND A NOVEL

This is an epic tale of Sir Kaka Babu and the horrific events that followed when he came  across a novel.

This novel was named "Zoya" and was written by Danielle Steel. Apparently she was a well know best-selling author who had written many novels. She was critically acclaimed for her elaborate plots, meticulous research and had brought vividly to life a wide range of characters.

Babu came across this  particular novel when he visited one of his newly conquered territories a few months ago. It seemed like a nice and interesting little book at first. Babu was on a reading spree in those days and was grabbing anything that he could get his hands on. Little did he know that reading and experiencing this novel would invoke such feelings and emotions that he didn't even know existed inside him. What lay ahead caught Babu completely off-guard.

Many days went by but Babu didn't get a chance to meet "Zoya". After several weeks, Babu felt like reading something and there it was,"Zoya", laying at his bookshelf  like a silent predator, waiting for the opportunity to grab it's prey by the throat. So Babu picked it up and slowly started to read it. It started out as beautiful story about a young and clueless Russian countess who was on her way to Alexander Palace to meet her cousin and childhood best friend, Grand Duchess Marie, who was the daughter of the Russian Tsar. It was set in the year 1917, the year of the revolution so Babu had some idea that bad things were to come but as the story started to unfold, the story arc went from being light-hearted, beautiful, filled with fun and frolic and all about the finer things in life towards tragedy, death, despair, catastrophe and extreme life threatening circumstances.

A series of unfortunate and terribly heartbreaking events happened and after a long and sorrow filled period, things finally started to get better for Zoya. It seemed that after all the tragedy she and "the reader" had been through, nothing terrible could happen again. It seemed everything was going magnificently when the author in her never ending cruelty, dragged the earth from under Zoya's feet. Her world came crashing down again.

At the time of these events,  about a quarter of the novel was still left so Babu was expectant of good things to come. But the pain of current events was too much to bear. The crushing tragedy brought tears to Babu's eyes! TEARS!!!!!!................In Babu's eagle eyes!!!!

Sir Kaka Babu, a force of nature, a dealer in thunder and death, who always thought himself to be above this ordinary sentimental bullshit was experiencing what he had never experienced before. These alien feelings of sorrow and empathy and the fact that his defenses had been shattered was a real mighty blow to Babu's being. Suddenly he was overcome by a new feeling with which Babu was all too familiar with. 

That feeling was extreme and uncontrollable anger. 

This extraordinary feeling of anger and hate was directed towards the author for she fucked with Zoya's life and by extension with Babu's emotions one too many times.

Babu had this to say and his diary stood witness as he poured his ferocious thoughts into it: 

"THAT MOTHER FUCKING CUNT, THAT GOD-DAMN FILTHY WRITING WHORE, THAT CRUEL GROTESQUE MONSTROSITY  IN A HUMAN SLUT'S FORM!!!!! She and anybody who has ever known her would suffer a slow, painful, agonizing and humiliating DEATH!!! She who has polluted my pure and simple mind with this cancer of emotions, she who has compelled me to think that I, Sir Kaka Babu, The Ruler of Men, The Embodiment of Tyranny has actually had something in common with the ordinary, pesky common folk. 

NO!!

I refuse to accept this and here, now, I SWEAR IN THE NAME OF THE DARK LORD HIMSELF THAT I WILL FIND HER AND ANYBODY DEAR TO HER.....................!!!!"

The rest of the sentence never got finished as the writing utensil broke in half. He left little for imagination as one can easily discern what he wanted to write next. Babu had made a firm decision and was hell bent to find everything about this so-called "best-selling" author. 

In Babu's views she was best selling alright; best at selling her ass!

He came to find out that her father was from Germany and mother from Portugal. After many months of looking Babu's fury exploded like a volcano and he made a final decision to collectively punish The Germans and The Portuguese for bringing this foul creature into the world.

He summoned his generals and started to make preparations to invade Portugal and Germany. When all the necessary preparations were finished, he unleashed his Dark Army of conquest unto helpless Portuguese.

Nobody knows how many people and soldiers were slaughtered. 

The Babu Army swept through Portugal like a flash of lightening and when all the guns fell silent, Portugal, a once sprawling country with many vibrant cities was reduced to a pile of rubble and heaps of corpses could be seen everywhere.

The first part of Babu's vengeance had come to its bloody conclusion.

Now at the time of this blog being written, Sir Kaka Babu's Dark Armies stand poised and ready to invade and unleash death and destruction unto The Germans. 
That poor nation with it's tiny Army can't even begin to hope for a chance to put up a fight against Babu's vast Evil Horde!!!!!

Lesson: Never think, say, write or get involved in anything imaginable which might come across Sir Kaka Babu and which he might deem punishable (there are not many things that he doesn't disprove of), because if that happened then a quick death would become the culmination of all your hopes, dreams, desires and wishes!!









                                 VIVE LA SIR KAKA BABU

Bafoon & Babu's Historic Gaming Session

Today Sir Kaka Babu and Malik Fuck Bafoon Ali Khan decided to have a zombie killing gaming session. Both of them were playing this particular mode of Call of Duty: Black Ops for about two weeks. By each passing day, they were getting more lethal and efficient at killing those Zom-Bitches!

As this zombie mode was really new to both the friends, they were in search of some kind of a strategy guide. The help came from the internet where a lot of people had posted game footage and different strategies to tackle those undead slime balls!

Armed with knowledge and encouragement from the online community, Sir Kaka Babu and Bafoon embarked on an epic journey which they hoped would take them to great heights and untold riches (in the zombie mode of course). Alas, their hope and high optimism were short lived. Both friends soon found that it is easy to look at some gameplay footage and think that one can do the same without much effort. The actual "doing" part turned out to be a lot harder than they thought. They failed miserably and consistently got their asses whooped by those undead maggot addicts. So abrupt and harsh a reality check they got that abandoning the game altogether started to seem like an attractive idea.

Just when it seemed that the duo would not get out of this dark hole of despair and disappointment, Sir Kaka Babu gathered all the will power he could and made an iron resolve to succeed at zombies. Getting Bafoon to show the same amount of commitment was no easy task but after a lot of rambling/cursing and intimidation, Der Babu was triumphant!

Now with this new found enthusiasm, the friends began their journey anew.

With the sound of marching band.....they marched!
With the thought of honour and glory..they marched!

Without faltering the boys slaughtered wave after wave of those god-damn Zom-Bitches. Soon the whole map was covered with streams of zombie blood and heaps of corpses. This merciless slaughter continued for another hour, the boys by now had reached a level which was previously unthinkable. Finally, they were in a position that they could buy all the equipment/perks and explore all the territories they wanted. They were riding on the tide of triumph whose counterpart could not be found. Honour and glory, sense of accomplishment were all around them. The dual was just absolutely ecstatic!

Their honour was restored!

Then like everything else, their journey had to come to an end. Together, side by side, they went down fighting and embarked on a new journey in their virtual afterlives.

This epic tale of perseverance and triumph would be remembered for all eternity!